Staynobody

joe lies / the end

#1 SAY ANYTHING

The obvious choice, the film that has topped my list for over a decade. I think a lot of "loser boys for love" - like myself, feel a sort of kindred spirit with Lloyd Dobbler.

Well this concludes my top 25 films list as of September 30th, 2004. I am sure some of you are glad to see it gone - hell, I am glad it's over! If you are reading this and feel inclined to do so, I'd like to hear what some of y'all's favorite films are. I am always in need of watching new movies.

the dane, the dame, leo & tom

#2 MILLER'S CROSSING

The Coen brothers consistantly write, direct & produce high quality films. Although most people prefer Raising Arizona or Big lebowski, I prefer this incredibly smart, dark & serious Coen masterpiece. Not only does Gabriel Byrne give one of the best performances in cinema history, this is also one of the most overlooked of the "gangster films".

I know you are but what am I?

#3 PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE

Tim Burton is back to back on my list, solidifying him as my all-time favorite director (Ed Wood just barely missed my top 25).

I think I have seen this film at least... a millionbillionandeightyfive times in my life. I saw it in the theatre & knew right then & there, that it would always remain with me. My only complaint is the absence of the great Jambi.

*sighs* Ooooh, in case y'all didn't hear... Pee-Wee's Playhouse seasons 1-5 will be on DVD on November 16th. So you can get your Cowboy Curtis, Captain Carl & Miss Yvonne fix.

elvis is singing & she is here in my dreams

Since she has been gone I have been sleeping-in, in hopes that she will make more appearances in my dreams. Is that so ridiculous? I don’t know. All I do know is that I think of her constantly & when I do, she makes me smile. Of course I am sad that she isn’t here but god, knowing that she too likes me… well, that is enough to warm my heart. I am sorry to all who is witnessing me in ‘sappy’ mode, but it is nothing new to me. I might seem so utterly callous to some people but really, all I want is to be adored, just like anyone else.

subjecting yourself to torture

Falling... falling... falling.

I thought this was a Shishkabob

#4 EDWARD SCISSORHANDS

This remains to be the only film which gurantees me to cry, each & every time I watch it.

the manatee

There are things people will never understand about you & there are things that you will never understand about yourself. I hate peanut butter but peanut butter cookies are my favorite. Just like I hate the telephone but I still talk on it. Just like me wishing I didn’t like girls but that will never prevent me from loving one. Just like me having a phobia of touching brass but still having brass doorknobs in your apartment. Well, that isn’t by choice, I just refuse to buy new ones & I also refuse to have to slide my hands all over the doorknobs to replace them. When alone, I never close any doors. My heart belongs to polished silver, sorry brass; it was just never meant to be.

I’ve completely lost sight of what I was writing about. I hate that. It happens more than often, you should see my “real” diary. It’s all over the place.

How is it you can have a horrible day and then slingshot into the next one & have one of the best days of your life? It’s like being manic depressive with your surroundings. Yesterday was so wonderful, for a minute I felt beautiful, wanted & adored. The things I have been needing from my awful Tuesday, my awful year, my awful lifetime. Suddenly life doesn’t look so horrible. And I am sure those aren’t the sweetest words but from a boy like me, they mean so much.

myself vs. myself

I’m so lonely, upset, ashamed & feeling as if nothing will ever go right. My dentist appointment couldn’t have gone any worse. As I was filling out paper work as a first-time patient, the receptionist told me I had a share of cost. A few months ago I received paperwork saying that I might have a share of cost, after the month of August. Well that’s fair & I was prepared to pay. However I was in no way prepared to pay when she told me that I owed her seven hundred & seventy-four dollars. Apparently, that’s my new deductible. I went in shock and I tried so hard to relax however, next thing I knew, I was being asked if I was going into an epileptic seizure & instantly, I couldn’t feel my body & I couldn’t see anything. Ray ran up and grabbed my limp body and sat me down. Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes and I was lying down on a bench, completely drenched from sweat, with a nurse hovering over my body. It took awhile for my eyes to focus and make out shapes & I knew that it had happened again. That I had blacked out, like I have consistently been doing since I was a boy. Embarrassed, ashamed, upset & feeling as if all my dignity was lost… I had to explain to the nurse about my condition. It’s fucked up. I am on the strongest possible dosage from the strongest depression/anxiety drugs & yet, it does nothing for me. Sure my overall temperament isn’t as gloomy as normal but fuck, my mind is stronger than these drugs & it scares the hell out of me. Because it’s obvious that I still have no control over my body & I fear I never will. I’m better at going out, I’m able to drive a little bit further, I can handle being around people for longer periods of time but my limits are still crippling the idea of having a normal life. I feel so fucking alone in this world, I feel like such a fucking loser, I hate it, I hate me – that’s nothing new & it’s nothing that will ever change.

Tomorrow, or whenever I feel as if I can handle it. I will make a call to my insurance and figure out what is going on. The dentist can wait another five years for all I care. What I am most concerned with is my medication & the billing for all the drugs. God… I cannot begin to explain how upset I am. I was on a long-streak of a couple of months without collapsing. I was actually starting to think I was getting better and now, all hopes are crushed. I want a drink; I want anything right now that will make me forget about being me. I want to be held. I want someone to despise me more than I do myself & I want someone to love me uncontrollably. I want to believe that I do deserve such things but I cannot.

can you hear that drill in the distance?

I’m about to embark on a less than desirable journey. The starch white coat, the smell of fluoride, the waiting room magazines that are outdated… it’s time for the dreaded dentist visit. Last time I have gone to the dentist… I wasn’t even in my twenties, so you can imagine just how gross my teeth must be. I probably wouldn’t even have this appointment if it weren’t for 2 of my teeth breaking off in the past year.

My guess… I will walk away with a few future appointments, 6 cavities & 2 teeth needing to be removed.

hans gruber

#5 DIE HARD

The greatest action film of all-time. Even people who hate action films love Die Hard.

warmth.

This feels so surreal, I still cannot believe what happened last night, this morning, now...

your mom goes to college

#6 NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

If you still haven't seen this film... I am just unsure if we can still be friends. I predicted it would be the greatest film ever made & I was close. In fact, it's the sixth greatest film ever made. Fuck Citizen Cane, fuck Star Wars, fuck the Godfather, fuck Casablanca, fuck Singin' In The Rain, fuck 2001: A Space Odyssey, fuck E.T., fuck the Graduate & fuck the A.F.I. - not to be confused with the great band featuring the stellar Davey Havoc.

I want to look at you, not at my plate

Could someone please explain to me why couples sit next to each other instead of across from one another while eating? I don’t get it in the least. If I am with someone, I want to look at them, I want to take as much of them in, as possible. When I see couples engaged in lateral eating should I assume that they are sick of each other? Maybe they are giving each other handjobs? Don’t worry, if you wanted me to slide my hands up your thighs, I could do it from sitting across from you. It’s the one real advantage of having a fairly gigantic wingspan.

So all you lateral eaters, remember how fortunate you are for having someone who will eat with you. And if I offend you by staring or if I look puzzled, I’m just jealous, that’s all.

cards with the 'tards

#7 CAN'T BUY ME LOVE

Who'd ever guess that Patrick Dempsey would end up being one of the most beautiful looking men in hollywood?! Who'd have guessed that Gerardo would never hit the charts again in the US? Who would have ever thought that Seth Green would ever act again? Why didn't Amanda Peterson do more acting? She was hot. Ami Dolenz? You mean someone reproduced with Mickey Dolenz? I am all about Peter Tork.

oh mandy

Larry (my aunt’s psychotic ex-boyfriend) was served with a restraining order yesterday. I don’t know if this makes me feel better or not, I mean now he could really snap. Oh well, that fucker isn’t allowed to be near here & that is good.

It’s not the first restraining order that I have had to get. Last year I had to file one for Mandy Moore. She was on my jock & just really, really crazy. I was flattered at first but then once she became obsessive, I became frightened. I tried telling her on numerous occasions that I wasn’t worth all the pain & sleepless nights. I tried every tactic known to make her move on with her life. I was a nobody, she needed better, and I just couldn’t let her make the mistake of being with me. I begged of her to quit calling, sending gifts, stopping by & following me. My words never got through and I knew the only thing left was to get the restraining order against her.

I think she’s better now, although people say that her breakup with tennis star Andy Roddick has hurt her, I knew that he was only a replacement for me & that she will be okay. I hope she finds someone worthy of her, for she is an amazingly talented girl & deserves someone much greater than me. Some things are just not meant to be & she & I were one of those things.

anybody want a peanut?

#8 THE PRINCESS BRIDE

This was one of the best experiences I ever had in a movie theatre. Not only was I watching this great film but I was also high on ZOTS. You know, the candy that has the fizz in the middle. Mmmmm good times.

You're so heavenly, I'm in hell

God, I feel so stupid. I hate when my heart does this.

always outnumbered, never outgunned

I just came from the record store where I grabbed the new Prodigy & Har Mar Superstar records. I was going to buy the new Faint record but something snapped inside of me & I had to buy a Townes Van Zandt record instead. No worries, I will pick up the Faint record on Thursday along with my new microphone (I hope).

I just hit play on the new Prodigy record… What ugly album artwork, nobody cares about making handsome looking records, it saddens me.

It’s been 7 years since the last Prodigy album was released & I can already guarantee that it will be better than the new Morrissey album. Let’s see what the mind of Liam Howlett has come up with.

“SPITFIRE” starts things off, whoa, it’s loud. It’s a typical electronic/dance song, good for playing a car racing video game.

“GIRLS” is the single & the second track on the record. I’ve already heard this one which features THE MAGNIFICENT PING PONG BITCHES, which just may very well be the greatest name in music. I love the breakbeats in this song, this is great.

“MEMPHIS BELLS” reminds me of a BASEMENT JAXX song, which is good. However the Bells in the song are annoying as hell & I am not a fan of PRINCESS SUPERSTAR. Okay, this song is just sub-par.

“GET UP GET OFF” features TWISTA & it’s a complete waste of a song, why is TWISTA rapping about electric guitars?

“HOT RIDE” this sounds like the new theme song for Spy Hunter. Wait a minute, we are listening to a song about hot air balloons? Maybe this is an obvious, not-so-obvious drug reference. Either way, this is a “hot jam”.

“WAKE UP CALL” the first of two songs to feature KOOL KEITH. I want to like it, but I hate the sound of flutes, it’s just too JETHRO TULL for me.

“ACTION RADAR” I’m dancing as much as one could in a chair.

“MEDUSA’S PATH” okay, my neck is a bit sore from the last song, good thing there is a lengthy intro to this. Whoa this is good, Liam is using a sample from the Iranian song, “ELAHAYE NAZ”. Okay, if this song clocked in around 4 minutes rather than 6, it would be 28 times better.

“PHOENIX” I imagine it’s about the bird and not the city that hates me. The use of SHOCKING BLUE’s “LOVE BUZZ” is killer. Which most people know from the shitty NIRVANA cover.

“YOU’LL BE UNDER MY WHEELS” Again KOOL KEITH is used very poorly, imagine SMACK MY BITCH UP from the last record but more boring. KOOL KEITH is one of the greatest MC’s of all-time let the man spit some game.

‘THE WAY IT IS” instantly I can recognize MICHAEL JACKSON’s “THRILLER”. This is fucking cool as all hell. Imagine if THRILLER had some pounding bass.

“SHOOT DOWN” holy fuck! One of my favorite, lesser-known songs of all-time is sampled in this romp with LIAM GALLAGHER. I love that the OASIS boys do vocal spots on electronic records, they have a real knack for turning out great songs. This by far, is one of the best songs of the year. I still cannot believe that I am hearing a sample of SAGITARIUS! I am truly blown away, this song makes the album worth owning. I’m in love, truly.

“MORE GIRLS” is just a reprise of the single, GIRLS. The closer of this album is definitely SHOOT DOWN. I am still blown away, this song is falling on def ears. Ehhh, okay this record is over.

Thanks for being with me as I listened to the new Prodigy record for the first time. Too bad you couldn’t hear SHOOT DOWN, I am still dripping with excitement. Is that disgusting?

I feel pathetic & it shows

I don't believe in having a lot of silverware. I think that having too much silverware might delay the washing of dishes. I obviously was thinking such nonsense while hunched over the sink just now. I am so sorry to everyone who might come to this site for any entertainment purposes.

I wish it was tomorrow already, so I can buy the new Faint, Har Mar Superstar, Japancakes & Prodigy records.

#9 PILLOW TALK

I love the Rock Hudson & Doris Day films. I have a sticker of the two of them on my guitar, my dad said. "that is strange".

roads

Someone tell the world to stop spinning. Lately there has been a lot of departure in my life. It all started on Monday when I left my ATM card in the teller. Then Kayla left me nearly as fast as she met me. Dana has decided to leave California. I have left my long-time romance with eating out (luckily, it’s just a short time). I visited and wished good luck to Nick & his fiancée before they are off to Texas for a tour of their play Zoot Suit. Last night Raymond asked when he & I are going to leave the bay area for a little while and visit Mark. I am beyond overdue for a change of scenery, even just for a day. And now, LeAnn has 5 days left in America, what’s the world coming to?

Globetrotters & road hoppers – and I wish I was gone with everyone.

mafia kickboxer III

#10 KISS ME GUIDO

I have a craving for gay cinema, it used to be my first targeted genre whenever I'd go to video stores. Some might say I was confused but really, I was just amused.

I swear, if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times, I'm out of here

#11 BASEKETBALL

When this film first came out I couldn't find anyone to go see it with me, it was heartbreaking, truly. Well people finally came around to the genius of 'BASEKETBALL' - and since then it has become well adored. It's hard chosing a favorite Trey & Matt film but Baseketball is just so damn quirky & it's by far Dian Bachar greatest role. Why doesn't that guy do more films?

we wish you a merry labor day & a happy new year

I haven’t written anything in quite some time. I don’t mean just on staynobody, but in my real journal, or even music journals. It feels a bit like a chore at the moment, that or I just don’t feel very creative/humorous/sexy/willing/etc, to amuse others or myself for that matter.

This last weekend has been something else, to say the least. On Friday I did the unthinkable and met a girl who I talk to from the internet. Seven years of refusal & I finally did it; I was a wreck of course. Poor girl, I fear that I am just so awful to be around as is, let alone, with my nerves on end. She was wonderful & very sweet & she did her best to make me feel more at ease. Needless to say I really loved being around her, I think it was good for me. Now you are thinking, “Well, Christopher now you can meet me”. Well, not so true it took a lot out of me, I need some recuperation. I just wish it wasn’t the summer, everyone knows that I hate the summer & I am always my fattest in the summer. And that is a good way to start my next paragraph…

After tomorrow’s grand finale at former 500 homerun king, Willie McCovey’s restaurant in Walnut Creek, I will take a hiatus from eating out for an entire month. This is a huge experiment for me; I spend way too much money & eat way too much food from eating out. Many people think there is no way that I can do it but I like proving people wrong, so it will just encourage me. My guess is that I will lose over 15 pounds this next month, to get ready for my usual slimming of fall. It’s as if my body molts or something – it’s always a sure bet that I get thinner in the fall & winter.

In the saga of my aunt & her boyfriend, I have rather disturbing news. Larry called my house crying on the answering machine, begging for Dayna to call him back. Well, Dayna has been staying the night at her new man’s house. Yesterday, Larry drove over to my family’s place and sat outside for hours early in the morning, waiting for Dayna to leave for work. When he realized that she wasn’t there he called Dayna’s cell phone & started cussing her out and then threatened to kill her. Needless to say, that didn’t go over too well with my Aunt and tomorrow she is filing a restraining order against Larry. I think this will enrage him & I do believe that things are going to get worse. Tonight on my way up to my stairs, I heard a noise in the dark corner of my backyard. Fear is strange for half a second I was paralyzed wondering what or who it could be. Then I clinched my fist and walked closer to the origin of the noise, my endorphins were throbbing and as I jumped into the dark corner I scared the piss out of some Raccoons. What a relief but damn those raccoons! They are just the cutest things ever but so mischievous. It seems as if that is always the way it is, the cutest things are always the most mischievous. Okay, well I am only referring to girls, but really, you could probably swap the ‘girl’ bit for anything.

Alright 2AM, I should probably slink my way off to bed, wish I had someone next to me, but who doesn’t?

why do they call you booger?

#12 REVENGE OF THE NERDS

Louis, Gilbert, Poindexter, Lamar, Wormser & the magnificent Dudley 'Booger' Dawson round out the most lovable ensemble of characters ever captured on film. How do you describe a film of such monumental social commentary on America? 'Wow', is the only word worthy when describing 'REVENGE of the NERDS'.

cary grant strikes back

#13 HIS GIRL FRIDAY

By far the oldest film on my list, I love the wordplay, the delivery, the extra-long takes. This film is smart, fast & just marvelous to watch.If you are one of those anti-black & white films - this is not for you. If you are anti-dialogue this is not for you - I have a movie for you though, go rent Navy Seals, I am sure you'll love it.

well, well, well the boozehounds return

#14 WEIRD SCIENCE

It's Weird Science, what more can you say?

set in 1948 and looks like it too

#15 DEVIL IN A BLUE DRESS

I still cannot figure out why this film isn't more popular. It is a zillion times better than LA CONFIDENTIAL. This movie is based on a long series of crime books by Walter Mosley. Great performances by Denzel as Easy Rawlins & Don Cheadle as the much adored Mouse Alexander. If you like crime, mystery and everything inbetween this movie would be perfect for you.

miss hap.

I think I am being stood-up for a chance encounter? Well, now I am left to do with nothing. I'll just go cry into my pillow now.

he goes by BJ

#16 DREAM FOR AN INSOMNIAC

This is my darling of an indie romantic comedy which just so happens to be shot in glorious San Francisco. It's well-known that I love romantic comedies and Dream For An Insomniac is one of the best Romantic Comedies ever made.

scary german guy's house

#17 THE MONSTER SQUAD

Yessssssss! No other film on my list gets me nearly as excited when I hear it's title. Why oh why do they keep pushing back the release date for the DVD, it's driving me mad. If you have not seen this gem of an 80's film, why are you even here? Go out and watch this film immediately! I command you.

"we would smell like pussy to a bunch of dicks"

#18 HOUSE PARTY

I miss the days of seeing Kid N' Play all over the place. Since this film came out, I knew it was one of the most magnificent films ever made! You have it all here, guys trying to get laid, bullies, george clinton, a mysterious giant shit that breaks a toilet & a verbal battle on the iron mic. Everything that makes a great house party nonetheless one of the greatest films in American cinema.