Could someone please explain to me why couples sit next to each other instead of across from one another while eating? I don’t get it in the least. If I am with someone, I want to look at them, I want to take as much of them in, as possible. When I see couples engaged in lateral eating should I assume that they are sick of each other? Maybe they are giving each other handjobs? Don’t worry, if you wanted me to slide my hands up your thighs, I could do it from sitting across from you. It’s the one real advantage of having a fairly gigantic wingspan.
So all you lateral eaters, remember how fortunate you are for having someone who will eat with you. And if I offend you by staring or if I look puzzled, I’m just jealous, that’s all.