this may sound a bit morbid, but I attempt to plan my death all the time. not as in how I am gonna die, but the after arrangements. like who would show up, what music would be played at the a memorial, etc. etc. for a long time I was thinking to have everyone karaoke all of my favorite songs. almost like a party atmosphere, but being the avid music fan, I couldn't decide what songs for those left behind to sing.

possible song choices
"almost blue" by elvis costello
"in my life" by the beatles
"rhinestone cowboy" by glen campbell
"heroes" by david bowie

only problem with this, who'd sing what? I think I should assign people certain song duties. hahaha, I'm dead and yet still controlling the music. I am a true music nazi. I need to break that habit before I die. maybe it would be better if I just have a band play, but what band could represent me? maybe I could get, "weird al" to sing and play accordion. just a little, intimate setlist. hell, maybe i should shoot for the stars? maybe I could get poison to play! and they could shoot my ashes out of a confetti gun all over the crowd! imagine a bunch of glitter and my gray ashes mixed in the air! or maybe i could get kool keith to rap, and he could poor out a fuzzy navel wine cooler on the stage and say something like, "this is for my fallen homie." it would be great publicity for him!

although the music is a tough decision, the question I dwell on is... cremation or burial? both sound unpleasant. let's compare the two, shall we?


cremation vs. burial


-I could be scattered anywhere i want


-get to be shot out of a confetti gun


-no real place of worship

-burned in a cardboard box

-getting burned

-charcoal sucks to get in your eyes or


-people can come all across the country to cry over my grave

-deers can eat the flowers on my grave


-super expensive

-don't get to be shot out of a confetti gun

-worms and other insects burrowing in my rotting flesh

-grave diggers stealing all the jewelry I on't wear.

whatever my choice may be, I guarantee my funeral would be the best party of the year. you should attend, get drunk and sleep with my ex-girlfriends or family members, take your pick, I won't mind.