While most people spend their lives trying to be different, I spend mine wishing I was more normal. We’re all the same, I suppose. We’re unhappy with what we have, who we are, or what we’ve become. Well maybe you aren’t, but I am. Less than 30 minutes away from my front door, there’s a friend who I wish I was with. But there are a few obstacles in my way. I still cannot drive very far. I got as far as Lafayette & turned around in utter shame.
I take pills to be happy, I take pills for sleeping, I take pills to calm-down, I take pills for sex & I even take pills to counter-act pills. My body is no longer mine & my mind, well my mind isn’t always there. I feel less, that is a plus, but then it makes me sad because I feel… well, missing for the most part.
—- Unrelated to my feelings —-
This strange yellow praying mantis keeps visiting my porch at night. I’ve always been a bit afraid of the mantis & potato bugs. It stems from my childhood where both species would always hang out in front of the bush near my bedroom window. I often wakeup in the morning, pull open the mini-blinds and there would be a critter just staring at me. How in the world is there people who like insects, I just don’t know?!
Anyways, at first I was afraid of getting too close to the mantis but after a few snapshots the mantis decided to “ham it up” and started posing for me. It was terribly hard to take a photo with one hand on the camera and the other holding my shoe. I was ready for that mantis to jump on my ass. The mantis kept turning its head at me, probably sizing me-up, and thinking about how many meals I’d be.
At first I was afraid of my new visitor but now I kind of like it. I mean, as long as the mantis eats other insects it could stay on the porch as long as it wants. Just like the creepy spider that lives in my porch light. Do your thing, kill insects, eat them but once you come indoors you’re life is over. I don’t tolerate indoor bugs.
Goodness my, I did not mean to talk about bugs for so long. Oh well, bugs are better than my wasted head.
I odten take pills too. I take my caffeine pills in the morning and my "go-to-sleep" pills at night. I was big on vicodin and valium for awhile. I knew it was sketchy when my order from Peru was hidden in a cut-out in a Peruvian magazine. Now * that* was fuckin' weird. (Never have your pills delivered to your work address).
Cheer up Christopher--once I get paid, I'll take you out to lunch :)
Posted by: topramen on August 18, 2004 08:08 PMhahaha, lucinda is so funny looking! those things are all over the place in Japan. I wonder if lucinda has a friend or is she killed them all....
Posted by: leann on August 19, 2004 11:14 AMI understand what you mean...I have anxiety about everything. But I'm already on enough medication for health reasons I don't want to add more pills to the mix...we should actually meet in real life sometime.
Posted by: Linda on August 20, 2004 08:46 PM